


Five Times Kageyama Tobio's Wants Were Neglected, and One Time His Wants Were Met

by OllieDeclan



Series: I Will Follow You Until the End of Time [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Abusive Parents, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Gen, Implied Non Consensual Kiss (goes no further than implication and is only a kiss), Speech Disorders, Trans Character, Trans Kageyama Tobio, Very little Hurt/Comfort, sad boy hours, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-04 23:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17907800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllieDeclan/pseuds/OllieDeclan
Summary: WARNING: ABUSIVE PARENTSKageyama Tobio has wondered, most of his life, if life is worth living. He has no one.(Very much a vent fic, written in one sitting at around midnight.)





	Five Times Kageyama Tobio's Wants Were Neglected, and One Time His Wants Were Met

**Author's Note:**

> Keep in mind! Kageyama knew from about age 4 or 5 that he was a boy and chose the name Tobio for himself. He did not tell his parents because he knew he would be yelled at for trying to get their attention. He told his parents in between part 4 and 5.
> 
> Warning again for abusive parents. At one point there is a non-consensual kiss, please take care!

1.

When Tobio was a child, he didn't understand that his parents wanted nothing to do with him. It was his seventh birthday soon, and so he stood in front of the mirror for hours practising what he was going to say to his parents. His hands played with the hem of his shirt as he fumbled over his words. 

His speech had always been delayed, so it didn't surprise him when words tied together, and others came out garbled.

When it was time for dinner, he made his way down the steps to the kitchen. Both of his parents were rushing around, speaking too quickly for Tobio to understand. From where he was standing, he could make out the instant meals just coming out of the microwave, and another being thrown in. 

“Mamma,” he asked, toes wiggling on the cold tiles. His mother didn't hear him, so he repeated it a little louder. “Mamma!”

“What, Tokiko,” she sighed, turning around almost expectantly.   
He opened his mouth to speak and a choked sputter came out instead. She stared down at him, tapping her fingers on the benchtop.  
“I wanted to go… zoo,” he spoke, handing her a pamphlet he picked up from school. 

He had been planning this for weeks, asking the teachers in broken sentences for information about the zoo. His teachers mostly answered him in short quips, but one teacher had sat down with him and shown him photos and engaged him in a conversation about tortoises. 

“We don't have time to go to the stupid zoo, Tokiko. Your father and I have to work every day, and you expect us to take time off to take you to the zoo?!” 

She got too loud for young Tobio to handle, and so he apologised and ran up to his room. 

He heard stomping, then something being slammed down outside his door, and then silence.

Tobio, once again, ate on his bed as he cried, zoo pamphlets thrown into the bin.

2.

Going into proper school was scary for Tobio. He couldn't cling onto the teacher at his early learning centre who would sit and help him with his speaking, and it was frowned upon for him to stay inside during lunches.

“Tokiko,” the teacher warned, “read what it says on the board.”   
Tobio shook his head slowly, swallowing hard and refusing to even look the teacher in the eye. Everyone had been taking turns to read haiku’s out to the class, and Tobio's was the easiest of the lot. He knew what it said, but he didn't know how to say it. He was still struggling with his words, fumbling over every little part of his speech.

He could hear the other kids around him whispering, questioning if there was really something wrong with him. The teacher walked up to his desk, pointing a finger in the direction of the board. Tobio opened his mouth to speak, but as usual, all that came out was a splurge of sounds. The rest of his class laughed at him now, a few mocking the noise he had made.

The teacher kept pressing him, even when he started to cry. Even when he couldn’t even make out the kanji through his tears, his teacher still yelled at him. She was mad at him, just like his parents were, and for the first time in his life, the thought that he didn’t want to be alive crossed Tobio’s mind.  
If everyone was always mad at him, what was the point? He could never make his parents or the teachers happy, but he didn’t know how to fix it.

“Leabe me ayon,” he had whispered to an unforgiving teacher. “Leabe me ayon,” he had repeated to the boys in his class who flicked the back of his head. But no one listened.

And if his parents saw him crying at the table that night, heard his sobs from the living room, they didn’t say anything.

 

He wondered what he had done to deserve this.

 

3.

 

“Maybe it would be best for her if we gave her a birthday party,” his father spoke as if Tobio wasn’t in the room with them, “she has no friends, so if we invited her class, they might be more prone to like her.”  
“I think that’s a great idea! We’ll have it somewhere cheap, no presents required. I’d be grateful for someone to come.”  
“I don’t want that…” Tobio began, but was silenced when his parents glared him down.

Three weeks later, Tobio was standing in the local fast food restaurants party section, paper party hat pulled too tight over his chin. He fiddled with his dress shirt, eyes flickering between the clock and the unopened door. His classmates were supposed to have been there some 15 minutes ago, but no one had even pulled up outside. His parents were on their phones, unaware of just how tired and upset Tobio was. He’d told them so many times that no one would come, that it would only be worse off for him, but they didn’t listen.

They left an hour later, money refunded and hat returned because no one, not even the other lonely boy in his class, had bothered to rock up.

That was the last birthday party Tobio ever had. He didn’t think he minded the cheap cupcake he got on his birthday every year after that, so long as he didn’t have to go through the shame of no one coming to his party. 

He’d been beaten up, the first day of school after that, because he was an idiot to ever think that someone would care for him.

 

4.

 

It was unsurprising, really, when he was given weird looks for begging a male third year to teach him how to play volleyball. Oikawa Tooru was a boy who scared Tobio, but at the same time was all too enticing. He was the first person to ever refer to Tobio as, well, Tobio, and reminded Tobio of the gentle teacher from the early learning centre who taught him how to speak. 

He clung from Oikawa every second that he could, feeling safe under the protective watch of his other mentor, Iwaizumi. 

As soon as they left, though, it all fired up again. Though this time, it wasn’t just beatings from the boys. If he stared too long at someone’s boyfriend out of pure accident, he’d find himself whacked over the head or thrown into the lockers by the girls in his classes. 

Worst of all, though, were the boys in the year above him. They cornered him and stole what little food he had, tugging on his hair as they passed him in the mornings. It was tied up in a loose ponytail at the back, the rest too short to go up, but they still managed to rip stray hairs out if he wasn’t careful.

He had his first kiss that year too, a boy the year above pinning him against a wall and threatening him. Tobio pleaded to be let go, but he was only allowed to scurry home after the boy had stolen the air from his lungs and left his mouth and hips bruised.

He knew it was wrong, but he never said anything. The sting from the boy’s fingertips left him craving touch, though praying it was never as harsh as that.

 

5.

 

“I want to go on hormone blockers.”

He was Tobio now, to his parents, even though they loathed calling him by his proper name. They had reluctantly given him boys clothes and boys underwear, and had gone as far as to enlist him to Karasuno, a school he knew none of his old teammates would go to.

“How needy are you, hey? First, it was going to the stupid zoo, then it was that piano, and now this? After all we’ve done for you? You should be grateful we even keep you under our roof. The only reason we do is someone needs to look after the house when we’re gone.”  
His father was only a few centimetres away from slapping him, he noticed, so he quickly apologised for upsetting his parents.

After the house had fallen quiet, he turned on his lights to look at himself in the mirror. He imagined himself older, jaw more refined and eyes sharper. A frame to rival Iwaizumi’s. He imagined himself playing volleyball for the boys team, rather than the mixed, and being a starting setter. 

He imagined himself with a flat chest and flat stomach - without all those organs who plagued him with his femininity. He practised lowering his voice, making it rougher. Practised his now signature scowl that hid his feminine features.

He made sure to scratch his tortoise on the head before curling up that night, hoping to the stars above that he’d live to see the day where he was happy.

 

+1

 

“Hey, Kageyama!” Hinata yelled, rushing over to wrap his arms around Tobio.  
“What?”  
“Well, I saw on your messenger that you changed your age. Is it your birthday?”  
“My birthday was three days ago.”  
“Oh… so I assume Tsukishima and I weren’t invited to your party! Rude, Kageyama!”

Tobio looked away, “I didn’t have a party.”  
“Did you want one? Tsukishima was talking about going over to yours either as a team, or just the three of us, for your birthday.”

Did Tobio want a party? His previous experience with celebrating his birthday had gone terribly, but now it was different. He had two boyfriends and multiple other friends who wanted to be around him.

 

“Just the two of you would be nice.”

 

And so Kageyama spent his birthday wrapped up in two pairs of arms, feeling loved and warm. And when Tsukishima presented him with a tortoise, he leant up and pressed a kiss to the other boy’s lips that was so soft and gentle that he got lost in it.

The three fell into giggles when Kageyama’s new tortoise bit his finger, and Kageyama was forever grateful for that teacher in the early learning centre for filling his life with tortoises and volleyball and love.

And for the first time in his life, Kageyama didn’t want to die.


End file.
